8 Year Anniversary!

This morning you are far away on a work trip, and I am sitting in the kitchen sipping coffee, watching our big little baby terrorize his toys.

I can't stop smiling.

I didn't think I could possibly love you more. But a year ago, this child came along, and everything got harder, better, richer, sweeter. Seeing you as a dad, experiencing you take care of our family, feeling the safety in your presence - it's a part of you I didn't know until now. I love you more now than every other year before.

I'm lucky, we're lucky, we are so lucky. I don't take it for granted.

Thank you for walking with me, respecting me, listening to me, empowering me, pushing me. Thank you for this epic year of Everett. Thank you for taking me on adventures and thank you for letting me take you on some. We've had quite the journey, you and I. And there is so much more to come!

Happy 8 years, my love. 8!!!

Photo by Rachel Koontz.

When Two of Your Favorite People Meet.

When Two of Your Favorite People Meet.
This happened a few weeks ago. Technically there are three of my favorite people in this picture, but Stevie and my dear Aunt Shirley know each other well. But it was the greatest privilege for me to witness my son meeting the snazzy, savvy, sweetheart that is my Aunt. Somehow my heart managed to melt a bit more. I thought it had done all the melting it could possibly do.

My Aunt Shirley has been a life-long inspiration. Not only is she overly-accomplished with an impressively long resume and all the accolades of the world, she is a woman of endless compassion and unparalleled conviction. She's basically Mother Theresa, serving all her extra time for others, and encouraging her students to join her many efforts. If I could emulate her character a tiny little bit at the end of my life, I would gladly call myself blessed and be done. And her joy! I don't know anyone who is more positive! Well, she and my mother-in-law can duke it out, because they are the two most positive people I know. FYI It's a really beautiful thing to be surrounded by practically blind positivity, by the way. Makes you feel like the world is your oyster. And why wouldn't I want my darling boy to be surrounded and influenced to believe that (because it's true!) But her kind of positivity isn't blind. It's fierce, statuesque, absolute in it's hope for what is the best kind of good. I am so lucky to have this woman as my guidepost, looking out for me, correcting me, smiling her big gorgeous, mischievous smile at me. Oh that Italian broad.

I hope your holiday weekend is filled with family time that makes you feel uplifted, full of hope, and encouraged beyond measure. Because that is a treasure not to be diminished. And if you don't have family like that? Well, then BE the family that does that. We have such a few precious days on this Earth. If you have the opportunity to be a person like Aunt Shirley to a little person like Everett, DO IT. The impact will be a pulsating, rippling, life-changing kind, and really, what else matters? Not career. Not money. But a little person being shaken by absolute love, acceptance and sheer hope for the future? Well, you could say that's kind of what this holiday weekend is all about.

Happy Easter, friends.

A Blustery Getaway at Serenbe. Part 2.

A Blustery Getaway at Serenbe. Part 2.
I just had too many great photos from this fun little getaway. See part 1 HERE.

For me, the beginning of the year is such a cleansing season. Everything is sort of bare, torn away, and a little bit unbeautiful. Almost a little too raw, a bit uncomfortably vulnerable. And yet I really love this wintery season. Of course, it's a lot easier to love it in Georgia than in Boston or New York :) Seeing the dirty sleazy snow turn a million shades of sick can really throw your stomach off for a day. But here, the trees are stripped to their skivvies and tenderly hold up their branches in a "raising the white flag" kind of way. Like, here we are, world. Ready to start fresh. Start over. Dream again.

Am I crazy? That's just what February is to me.

I had to include a few more Serenbe photos from last week. I couldn't possibly choose my favorites so I just pretty much chose them all. Seeing my little boy interact with my strapping husband is making me feel alive and happy in a new way. Maybe it's the whole February thing. Maybe it's a new mom thing. Maybe it's a clear-headed thing. Or a "I've finally slept, booya!" thing. But I'm having a small moment in the sun these past few weeks. Life finally doesn't feel so gosh-darn hard. I don't feel so bare bones tired. Or ragged. This little getaway to Serenbe couldn't have come at a better time. It was cold, but so what? I've had colder winters.

// I love setting up Everett's little bed when we travel. I don't know why. //

// I like to tease him that he's my muse. He. HATES. It. //

// 7.5 years. I'm a lucky lady. //

Happy February to you all!

The 2nd Day: Christmas Eve & All its Traditions.

Christmas Eve & All its Traditions.
I love Christmas Eve especially. Everything grows quiet and simultaneously loud, too. People gather to their homes, the cold roads begin to empty, twilight approaches and homes are filled with the warmth of family love. And probably some family drama too, let's be honest. But mostly family love. And laughter. And delicious FOOD. And everyone gets the chance to enjoy each other (and roll their eyes a little bit) and laugh about old times, quotes favorite family movie lines, tell old stories that have most likely been shared before. It's a wondrous, familiar, delicious time. And yet it's always new and exciting, because each year brings it's particularly fresh changes. Like for us. This year we have a baby for Christmas.

What are your family traditions? I wanted to share a bit about ours because I always enjoy hearing about what other people do with this particularly special holiday time. We cozy up, snack on delicious appetizers (tonight mom has baked brie and crudites on hand, yum), munch while we make the actual meal (ribs!) and then we will relax around the fire and have family time. We might play a game. We might break out the guitars and have a jam session. We might all pile up on the couches in the family room and watch an old movie (or argue for 30 minutes over who wants to watch The Hobbit, who wants to watch The Holiday, and who wants to watch BOTH). We will most definitely be wrapping those last-moment gifts. In years past, we would always go Christmas caroling in our community, but with a new baby this year, we want to stay home and keep him warm. And do our best to adhere to a reasonable bedtime (I say it like its only for him, but its for me too :)

A word on Christmas sleep: I used to try my hardest to stay up reeeeeeally late on Christmas eve in order to wake up a bit later on Christmas morning. I was one of those kids who would leap out of bed at 4:30am, wake everyone up to OPEN PRESENTS OPEN PRESENTS OPEN PRESENTS, and end up ticking everyone off. So I had to learn the hard lesson of not to bothering mom and dad before 7am. And lets be honest, my sisters too. They were such teenagers, even before their time. Just wanted to keep snoozing. However, this year, I will fight the urge to not be a Scroogy-sleeper myself. I'm just coveting all the Zzz's I can get, especially with Stevie taking some time off for the holiday!

Tomorrow will begin with hot cinnamon buns, gathering in the living room with a fire blazing, and my dad's bible taking center stage. We will sip my parent's preferred coffee (this year they're on an Illy kick), while we listen to my dad re-read the story of Jesus' miraculous birth and His gift to the world. We will discuss it. What it must have felt like to be Mary, probably 16-ish and pregnant, carrying that baby around with no clue on how to explain what was happening to her. What it must have been like to be Joseph, whom the bible calls a "righteous man", marrying her in light of the scandal of her condition. What it must have been like for the Magi, searching the skies every night, following a star throughout the land, in hopes of meeting the most treasured baby ever born. THE STORY IS BONKERS. We will also act out the manger scene with our animal noises. And then my dad will call us all blasphemers and close the book. Look people, I gave birth this year. If there had been some sheep and cows hanging around my hospital room, I'm pretty sure I would have started throwing some punches (and probably wheezing a bit, too.) Whew. So there's that part of the morning.

Then we will DO PRESENTS. And this year - take turns holding Everett while we do so! After presents we will enjoy my parents' infamous eggs benedict. It's the one time a year they cook something together in a planned fashion, and it is so scrumptious, we always beg them to make it more often. But its our special Christmas breakfast. And my little sister will lick the hollandaise sauce out of the bowl. She will. And she will be horrified that I just shared that on the Internet. But she weighs like 10 ounces so who even cares.

Then Stevie and I will pack our things and prepare for round 2: heading to his parent's house! To do "Christmas Eve" and "Christmas Morning" all over again! We are so super duper blessed. Both our families love to celebrate so well, and we gladly soak up the double Christmas fun. His family celebrates so similarly to mine, but there are a few fun twists. They like to make fresh-squeezed orange juice, all run up the stairs together on "your mark, get set, GO!" to pounce on the presents, and then begin opening one by one. It's just hilarious and chaotic and comfortable and so fun. We will still be celebrating with family and extended family and relatives until Saturday, when things will finally wane into a sleepy post-Christmas-adrenaline stupor. Oh the stupor. I'm hoping Everett really allows us to nap then. It's some of the most wonderful napping done all year long.

So that's what's happening in our neck of the woods! What are some of your Christmas traditions? Any of this sound similar to how you and your loved ones celebrate?

Enjoy your Christmas Eve immensely. I hope you get to gather the ones you love tightly in your arms and squeeze them and kiss them frantically. Because if there were ever such a time to do so, that time is tonight! XOX.

Treating Yourself. To A Self-Date.

Treating Yourself. To A Self-Date.
It's Valentines week, in case you're behind the curve on your candy purchases. Valentines Day seems to evoke a wide variety of emotions, depending on where you're at in life. Perhaps you're a hopeless romantic and you adore the notion of dreamy flowers and treats. Or you might be rocking independence this season and the idea of V-Day brings up mixture of annoyance and pity for those who dote on it's sentiment. Perhaps you're somewhere in the middle, one of those "it's not a real holiday, so why celebrate?" types. I have found myself have oscillating between these range of emotions. But I feel like there is one element people tend to neglect when it comes to this day: celebrating themselves. You don't have to wait for someone else to make you feel special or important. Take some time for you!

I love myself. I'm a fun girl. And I know that I'm worth a little pampering every now and then. When the winter is making me sad and I'm missing my family and friends (and growing larger by the day), I know it's time to enact a Self-Date. What is the Self-Date? You're gonna want to know. You're gonna want to do this, too.

Ways to celebrate YOU. 
1. You like flowers.
So treat yourself. Those tulips would look nice on you.

2. You like pretty nails.
So get a manicure. And pick a FUN color. I'm sporting a shade of purple that a 5th grader would wear. Because I can.

3. You like hot beverages (especially in this weather.)
Splurge on that ridiculously overpriced herbal tea with the jasmine. YOU DESERVE IT. Even better, for all you non-pregnants, order a nice glass of vino. Mmm I miss my old friend, red wine.

4. You like to read.
Pick a totally indulgent read and immerse yourself in the story. Snuggle up on your couch (with the above-mentioned bevvy nearby). Maybe light a yummy candle. Perhaps throw on some John Legend, crooning in the background (didn't he just kill it at the Grammys?) Perfection.

Other add-ons? Take yourself to see a movie (and don't forget the Sour Patch!), treat yourself to some fun art supplies, invest in a cooking class or those personal training sessions you've wanted. The point of all this? To remind yourself that you are worth it. It's not just about loving yourself. It's about treating yourself better than you even think you deserve. Because if you don't, how can you expect others to?

Would you add something else to this list? Who's joining with me on the Self-Date? 'Tis the season!

Here We Go!

Photo Credit: Nancy Hostetler

Feeling Grateful. And Hungry.
Oh life. Needless to say, I've been feeling a lot over the past several months. Nausea, exhaustion, cravings, yes. Crazy dreams and outbursts of sweat, sure. A ravenous appetite for bacon, it's true. But we will get to all of that. Even more than all of those things, I've been equally enamored with reflection and planning ahead for the future. It's amazing how a teeny, tiny second line on a test can cause you to evaluate everything - the home you live in, the career choices you've made, the relationships in which you invest. It's an incredible rush and also a daunting responsibility. I'm supposed to be ready to raise another human, but WOW I feel pretty inadequate to do so. I feel like I don't know enough bible verses. Or how to soothe a crying anything.

I'm sure everyone feels this way at first. I hope.

I just want to say thank you. I'm so grateful to everyone for the well-wishes and congrats on our little one, coming in August! Stevie and I are super excited and feeling really blessed. I'm currently at 13 weeks and still feeling rather puny, but I'm holding onto hope (shout out, E!) that the next several weeks will bring all the relief the second trimester promises. Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement - it really means a lot!

Since this is the biggest change of our lives, I want to share about this journey here on the blog. Have no fear, all of you who loathe "mommy bloggers"! I don't intend to focus soley on pregnancy/baby-related topics. I still cook. Audition. Write. I still explore my city (well, let's be honest... I've been a couch potato for 3 months. I have high hopes to return to normal life again and explore!) Stevie and I still have aspirations to travel and goof off. Our obsession with visiting our families a million times a year will only be compounded by the fact that now, we have another reason to! All good things.

Thank you again for sharing in our joy. We are feeling the love :-)

Because Honestly... THIS is New York in the Fall.

// My view from Belvedere Castle in Central Park. //

Central Park. In the Fall.
I don't mean to brag. I really don't. But I do mean to be shamelessly thankful. I AM SO THANKFUL TO BE LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY. I can't say it enough. I can't stop thinking it. Every single day I wake up, so thankful to be living in this vibrant, pulsing metropolis. Even when I see the rats saunter around the subway tracks. They saunter. Because they have no reason to scurry. They own those tracks. And even when my lightyears-old radiator decides to wake me up in the middle of the night, hissing like the soundtrack from a horror movie. And even when I go on auditions and, you know, get rejected (don't cry for me, Argentina.)  I am still happy to be here. So over the moon. And why shouldn't I be? This place is a dreamers city. Full of bright-eyed crazies and cold-blooded cynics alike. What an effervescent kind of mess.

Even those of you who don't care for NYC at all have to admit - the fall foliage in Central Park this year can't compete with even the most picturesque of New England's Berkshires. This autumn has been outrageously gorgeous, and having previously pounded a lot of New England pavement, I can speak from experience when I say that this autumn has been utterly mesmerizing. The papery leaves continue to fall like confetti, swirling around and having a parade in the sky before finally landing and collecting in a decorative array all over the great yard. The temperatures are continuing to drop, but I just had to share these beauties with you before the winter wonderland overtakes my Instagram.

// Classic panorama. Stevie is so good at taking these. See midtown in the distance? //

// We are children. The end. //

// The sun is SO bright. I'll take it. //

From Glory to Glory.
I just love autumn. So tell me. What has fall been like in your neck of the woods - Dreamy? Dull? Comment below!

How to Combat Stress.

Sleep much? 
I took a moment to breathe this morning.

Whew.

Full disclosure. I've had insomnia since we moved to NYC. I just can't sleep. Lists keep running in my head like the opening, scrolling scene of Star Wars. Long long lists that appear to extend into the darkness of outer space... it's odd. "Long ago in a galaxy far, far away.... I dreamed of moving to New York!" And now here we are. It's an odd exhilaration, because I've also been on an extreme high, thrilled to walk down the street to the drycleaners JUST BECAUSE I AM IN NEW YORK. I feel like I'm hopped up on coffee all day long (even though it's only half), yet my frenzied heart can't rest when the nighttime comes and the lights get turned off. Frantic, flooded with to-do's, drowning with feeling like I'm ever-so-late to the game. What game? I don't really know. Isn't that the lie we all believe when we're trying to do something new? I am attempting to juggle several things and it's keeping me awake. It's sort of silly. But not, because the bloodshot eyes are starting to make me look like I'm on something. I know I'm not the only person in the world to experience this. But I've got to get it under control. Because sleep is necessary to accomplishing all those to-do's!

So, I decided to set all my lists and to-do's aside and just reflect. Just for a hot minute. 60 seconds, that's all.

Ha. It hit me all at once. The bevy of beautiful people who are WONDERFUL and love me so vastly. The smiles of my loved ones blur together into a sloppy, gleeful image in my mind, and wow. I am so grateful. My thoughtful sister who sent me a powerful book on art in the mail last week and my dearest friend who sent me a delightful Anthropologie housewarming present in the mail this week. The flowers my Aunt sent. My mom, who has called me and encouraged me everyday. My cousins, my sisters, my Dad, my friends. They care. Sheesh I am so blessed. I am overwhelmed with the unfathomable, infectious, present-infused love. And I am so incredibly thankful for these genuine pillars of strength in my life. These people quite literally create a firm foundation; I believe I can be big and strong because they tell me I can.

Get Grateful.
So I just want to encourage you today. Stress, anxiety, tension; they're all natural responses to transition. And if you're experiencing transition, whether severe or thrilling or somewhere in between, you don't have to experience an on-going bought of the painful stress. Take a moment, allow yourself to focus on the beautiful gifts around you, the joy of your relationships, even the lovely colors of summer. Whatever it takes. For your mind to quiet, your face to relax, your eyes to finally close. Your gratitude breeds peace. And once you have that peace, it's yours to keep.

Try It.
If you need to do an exercise to pull you out of a funk, unearth some of that pretty stationary that I know is sitting somewhere in a side drawer. Take a moment to think about 3 people who have really impacted your personal journey in the past year. It might be your mom, it might be your husband, it might even be a co-worker that you're not that close with, but has recognized your contributions and verbalized it. Whoever comes to mind, take 5 minutes and write it down. Tell them why they are wonderful to you. I promise that you will feel. So good. And now... look what you've done! Not only did you quiet your mind and find your peace, but now you're giving it away to others! Mmm win/win. Stamp it. Mail it.

Final Note.
In case you haven't heard it yet, you are enough. All the to-do's, the busyness, the job stress, the family tensions and the responsibility you feel toward all of it. Of course you have your reasons to be stressed. Of course you are justified in all your emotions. And there is probably so much that "needs" to be done today. However, you just need to know. You are. Enough. Just you. So give yourself a slice of grace today. Because seriously, you are enough.

Love to you today.

Tulips for My Sister

Oh Happy Saturday.
Tulips are my sister's favorite flower. She blushes when someone gives them to her, even when its my dad. God bless him, he does that often. But Rachel is more than just beautiful. She is suuuuper witty, has a serious sense of style, a sincere depth, a ridiculous attention to detail, and is pretty enough to put the fear of God in you. For real. When I saw these tulips last weekend at the Boston Public Garden, I couldn't stop thinking of my mesmerizing sis and how much she would adore walking through this floral processional. I'm sending her a virtual bouquet today.

My dear sister Rachel is much like her favored flower. She is continuing to blossom this Spring into a striking, gracious and impressive young woman of conviction. Here's to her and her A+ semester.

Big. Bad. Bird.

In the words of my PERFECT nephew Ollie, this was one "Big bad bird." Ollie, you were so right.

The Setting.
When I went to visit my beautiful sister and her family in Florida a few weeks ago, I had the strangest encounter. Ollie and I went out on the dock at sunset. He just turned three years old and we have some really great conversations these days. My favorite includes, "I love you. I really really love you." Occasionally he will say it back to me. When I'm lucky.

But on this particular sunset, our bare feet padded down the wooden dock and we laid out on our tummies, laughing and talking and looking at the water. We discussed my nail polish color (Essie Tart Deco), the book I was reading (The Alchemist) and our recent encounters at Disney World. Like I said, he is the perfect little guy.

Then we noticed a bird. Far, far out in the water, outlined by the magnificent sunset, was a fiercely beautiful pelican, lazily floating along the water.

The Conversation.
"Look Ollie!" I pointed out. "Look at that big bird!"
"Pelican," he answered. He is just the smartest.
"Yes! You are so right, it is a pelican. Look, he's looking at us! Maybe he will swim closer to us."

Freakishly enough, the bird did start swimming towards us. At a kind of rapid pace. For the 90 seconds of its swim time, Ollie and I are pointing and wowing over the bird.

The Folly.
"Ollie, he must like us! Look at how fast he's swimming towards us! THIS IS SO COOL!" Ollie laughed and clapped with me. We were both such innocent younglings. We didn't know.

The bird swam right up to the dock. And what happened next... well, maybe I'll just show you.

Are you getting a bad feeling yet? For some reason, that bird looks semi-diabolical, right? Once it got up close, I had a very bad feeling. And then it moved closer. Remember, my sweet little nephew and I were laying ON OUR STOMACHS on the dock. So vulnerable to the terrors of Mother Nature. We fell silent. The bird was within 2 feet of us.

Suddenly I realized I should stop taking pictures with my iPhone. Something was just wrong. Then the bird did a very bad thing. It aggressively jutted its beak out toward us and fanned its wings out. It was a shocking interaction to have with an animal, but it was certainly a VERY clear sign that it didn't like us. This sudden movement of aggression scared the crap out of me. I grabbed the baby and leaped back up the dock, hollering, "STTTEEEEVVVVIIEEEEEE!!!!!"

Ollie was confused. I was confused. I shouted, "Bad bird! BAD BIRD!!!" The pelican just looked at me, unshaken by my cowering fear. He trailed alongside the dock, his eyes on me while he hovered in the water. Creep.

Stevie and my bro-in-law Brad appeared on the scene and I quickly (and loudly) explained the bird's bad behavior. Brad (a Florida native) just looked at the bird and said, "Get. Get!" Instead of getting, the pelican did the same thing to him! Jutted out his ugly, vile beak and extended his wings upward towards Brad. This bird messed with the WRONG PEOPLE. And by that I mean I totally acted like a panicked girl and screamed for man-help, and I gratefully received it. Dumb bird. I have MAN HELP. Top that.

"Whoa. I've never seen a bird do that here. Or anywhere, " said Brad. He and Stevie immediately went and grabbed a few small rocks. PETA don't freak out. This was a seriously deranged bird. They began tossing rocks in the water to spook him, and after several tries, the bird finally flew away. Ick, keyword: FINALLY.

Recovery.
I've been shaken up about this experience for weeks. Apparently aggressive pelicans exist. Usually because people feed them. We didn't have any food on the dock, but Brad said the bird might have been territorial. Geez.

Yesterday I Skyped with Ollie and he reminded me of the "big bad bird." I told him that he was such a big boy when that happened. And that I loved him. And he responded immediately, "I love you!" Pure joy to my heart. Almost made the harrowing, ominous "big bad bird" episode worth it. Almost.

Sometimes nature can be a real mother, you know what I mean?